THE POSSIBILITY AND THE PROMISE

Really not in the mood for anything. For no definite reason. I just don’t know what to do with my life anymore. I even lost all the motivation and positivity that was left in me, now, I’m having a hard time concentrating on my review. I tried to force myself but definitely it’s not working. Urrrrrgh.   

Last night, I was actually thinking of should I or should I not take the board exam? The latter seems to be the strongest. I am starting to doubt myself, question my capabilities and just disappear.


“What if I fail? What if I didn’t make it and my friends did? What will happen to me?” These questions clouded my mind last night and haven’t properly slept. It kept me wide awake. 

Always the same thought every night. 

Always the same questions.

Just different days. 

So, God help me. I put my trust in You. 

THE GOOD IN GOODBYES

People come and go.
 

Memories are like footprints in the sand. Here today, gone tomorrow. Maybe that’s the way things should be, not everything in your life is permanent. Everything that has happened in your life were the results of the choices you made—be it good or bad. 

People say that “everything happens for a reason”. How can this be not true? Try it to see it this way, you are in a situation and someone asked you to pick between two pills that look alike—a good and bad pill— and that someone told you which is which, so what would you do? Normally, when someone say that this is the right choice, people would think that it’s just a form of trickery. However, one would also think that “maybe he’s just trying to trick me, but I know better”, so people would go against with what is being offered to them.

That’s the nature of man. We always have doubts and questions about everything. But you know what’s the real flaw with that scenario? That someone matters. Maybe if that person knew someone for years, he would react differently. He would completely trust the words he say. He would think that someone means no harm. This is primarily the reason why people who used to be on top, with just a snapped, hit the rock bottom. All thanks for trusting the wrong person. 

I’ve learned this the hard way. Not everyone you care about, cares about you. They may say that they’ll support you in every decision that you’ll make but, in reality, somewhere deep down in their heart they wish you the worst. Maybe that’s too much. Haha. So, I always tell myself to live independently and to not expect too much from other people to avoid being disappointed.

Yes, I have friends. 

Yes, I hangout with people.

Yes, I enjoy every moments I spend with them.

And yes, I was happy.

Happiness that never really lasts. 

Yes, I am afraid. I am afraid of being too close to someone. I am afraid of being to close because I know, one day, just like everyone else—they’ll leave and what am I left with? A broken heart. 

It’s sad but, let’s face it, that’s just how it is. So, I swore to forget everything and be happy with just myself. 

I used to be that way. I used to think that way, I realised that rather than being a pessimist and thinking badly of the humanity and for doubting every person I meet, maybe they were meant to kept me company for a while, maybe the problem isn’t really them, it’s the way I view things.

It doesn’t matter which pill you’d choose—the good or the bad one—because there’s no such thing as the wrong pill. The thought of something is good or bad to you is just an illusion. There’s no such thing as wrong choice, whichever path you take, you’ll never know if it’s the right one unless you see it yourself. So, take heart and make the path you chose to be the right one. Just like with people, if they left you, do not be discouraged. Not everyone will make it in your future, some people are best left in the past. 

Bring out the best in every situation, doesn’t matter how bad it is. Eventually, something good will come out of it. Do not worry about what tomorrow may bring, and just enjoy every second of every day. 

UNFILTERED THOUGHTS 003 

​It was supposed to end last march 22. 

Instead, my agony has been prolonged. It was extended until the 25th of March. Wow, I was actually happy since my mortality was once given a life. A life that happiness cease to exist—a life full of woe and sufferings.  

I thought I can finally be free from all the disappointments and failures that this semester has offered me. I thought… I am so close to the end of the line. 

So close. So close to graduating.

But why can’t I still see the light? When will be the end of all this? 

As I am typing this, I remembered the journey that Sam and Frodo had been through just to throw the ring at the Mordor. It was, indeed, a journey full of deceptions and hardships.

“It wasn’t just a ring—that was The Ring.  The ring that rules them all. 

Many of you would think that Frodo is the real hero, though I am not implying that he isn’t. However, Sam was actually the true hero for me, without his constant guidance and loyalty to his friend I don’t think Frodo can make it at Mordor. The biggest struggle that they both went through is when they met Gollum, who was once a nice man but was eventually corrupted by The Ring, along the way. (My precioussssssss!). Then, I realized that we all have a Gollum inside of us. We are corrupted in our own way.

The Ring isn’t the root of all evil. Thesis isn’t. 

Let us not blame the inanimate objects for our barbaric actions. 

All the blame is on us. 

But, you know what, it was all thanks to Samwise Gamgee for not giving up on his friend, Mr. Frodo, and for never leaving him behind despite of his hard-headedness. He never left him. Without his help, Frodo will be forever stuck in his own demise. The Middle-Earth wouldn’t be saved. Everything would be meaningless. 

I realized, that despite of what I’ve been going through, I am so glad to have friends who are more than willing to listen to all my rants, disappointments and feeding me with positivity. 

I am thankful for having Sams in my life.

They radiate life and beauty.

DESIDERATA BY MAX EHRMANN

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,

and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible without surrender

be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly;

and listen to others,

even the dull and the ignorant;

they too have their story. 

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,

they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,

you may become vain and bitter;

for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. 



Keep interested in your own career, however humble;

it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs;

for the world is full of trickery.

But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;

many persons strive for high ideals;

and everywhere life is full of heroism. 



Be yourself.

Especially, do not feign affection.

Neither be cynical about love;

for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment

it is as perennial as the grass. 


Take kindly the counsel of the years,

gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.

But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.

Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,

be gentle with yourself. 


You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars;

you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you,

no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. 


Therefore be at peace with God,

whatever you conceive Him to be,

and whatever your labors and aspirations,

in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. 


With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,

it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful.

Strive to be happy. 



I am sharing this in case you haven’t read this masterpiece yet. The beauty of this prose poem is that it reminds you of what core values you should value and generally, to boost your morale as a person. I should’ve printed this out and paste it on my wall. Hahahaha! I have so much to say, so many things to rant about, but, as I said before, it’s not safe. So, I’ll just leave this here and may this serve as an inspiration and a constant reminder to you (whoever you are!).