THE GOOD IN GOODBYES

People come and go.
 

Memories are like footprints in the sand. Here today, gone tomorrow. Maybe that’s the way things should be, not everything in your life is permanent. Everything that has happened in your life were the results of the choices you made—be it good or bad. 

People say that “everything happens for a reason”. How can this be not true? Try it to see it this way, you are in a situation and someone asked you to pick between two pills that look alike—a good and bad pill— and that someone told you which is which, so what would you do? Normally, when someone say that this is the right choice, people would think that it’s just a form of trickery. However, one would also think that “maybe he’s just trying to trick me, but I know better”, so people would go against with what is being offered to them.

That’s the nature of man. We always have doubts and questions about everything. But you know what’s the real flaw with that scenario? That someone matters. Maybe if that person knew someone for years, he would react differently. He would completely trust the words he say. He would think that someone means no harm. This is primarily the reason why people who used to be on top, with just a snapped, hit the rock bottom. All thanks for trusting the wrong person. 

I’ve learned this the hard way. Not everyone you care about, cares about you. They may say that they’ll support you in every decision that you’ll make but, in reality, somewhere deep down in their heart they wish you the worst. Maybe that’s too much. Haha. So, I always tell myself to live independently and to not expect too much from other people to avoid being disappointed.

Yes, I have friends. 

Yes, I hangout with people.

Yes, I enjoy every moments I spend with them.

And yes, I was happy.

Happiness that never really lasts. 

Yes, I am afraid. I am afraid of being too close to someone. I am afraid of being to close because I know, one day, just like everyone else—they’ll leave and what am I left with? A broken heart. 

It’s sad but, let’s face it, that’s just how it is. So, I swore to forget everything and be happy with just myself. 

I used to be that way. I used to think that way, I realised that rather than being a pessimist and thinking badly of the humanity and for doubting every person I meet, maybe they were meant to kept me company for a while, maybe the problem isn’t really them, it’s the way I view things.

It doesn’t matter which pill you’d choose—the good or the bad one—because there’s no such thing as the wrong pill. The thought of something is good or bad to you is just an illusion. There’s no such thing as wrong choice, whichever path you take, you’ll never know if it’s the right one unless you see it yourself. So, take heart and make the path you chose to be the right one. Just like with people, if they left you, do not be discouraged. Not everyone will make it in your future, some people are best left in the past. 

Bring out the best in every situation, doesn’t matter how bad it is. Eventually, something good will come out of it. Do not worry about what tomorrow may bring, and just enjoy every second of every day. 

HOW TO SAVE THIS SEMESTER IN 5 DAYS?

  1. You sleep.
  2. Procrastinate.
  3. Panic.
  4. Cry.

    Kiddinggggg. I have no idea how, all I know is to never give up. I am beyooooooooond depressed but I’m still trying my best to see the positive side despite of all the misfortunes and failures I am currently facing. I will never give up. NEVEEEEER!!! The blame is all on me. No one else’s. I am so mad at myself for not being smart enough and I tend to forget things easily. I kinda feel like my brain is slowly deteriorating. 

    Why do I have to be so stupid? I badly want to learn all the concepts and mechanisms in organic chemistry but why does it seem so impossible? (I failed again!) But most would argue, that nothing is impossible if you believe. Well, you know, believing isn’t enough. You’ve got to work hard for it! Okaay, okay. 

    I may be physically weak, but my spirit is stronger. I may fail, but I’ll keep holding on. I am still running the race, I will finish strong!   

    After that gruesome exam in PolGov and O-chem, I still have to face one last exam this week—hello, physical chemistry!!!  

    I can’t focus on my review last night due to unmentionable reasons. So, I prayed and slept (exactly how my friend told me! And as much as I wanted to discuss everything in full details with feelings, I just can’t. It’s not safe!). 


    Anyway, may God bless me and our entire batch for our finals in physical chemistry this afternoon! 

    CHEMISTRY-ING SO HARD

    When will this end?

    How much longer do I have to suffer mentally? 

    I’ve been trying to do the best I can to finish my thesis, but how will I be able to finish it when I can’t even stand looking at it anymore? I’m tired of doing the same laboratory experiment over and over again. Just when I thought that I am halfway through, another problem will arise. 

    Something went wrong with your experiment.

    You’ll hit another dead-end. 

    It doesn’t matter how much progress I think I make, there’s always room for more failures. It never ends. I just want to rip all my hair out and be done with this.

    I’ve thought about giving up constantly. Then, out of the blue, my mom would text me and asked me about how my day went, she’d tell me stories about our dog and the thing that I don’t want her reminding me— my graduation. Every time she mentions “graduation”, I get pressured and, at the same time, disappointments and frustrations will take over me. She expects so much from me when I can barely even trust myself. I failed hundred times, I am not good in everything I do. I lack and suck at literally everything yet she always remind me that out of all her children, I am the strongest. She’s wrong, I am not strong. I just want people to see and think that I am. I don’t want people to think that I am weak, pathetic and… a failure. 

    It’s just a façade. 

    This is supposed to be about my dilemma regarding my thesis, forgive me for my sudden outburst of personal feelings. 

    No, I can’t give up. I am too far to throw all the money, efforts and sleepless nights away. Before I started my thesis, I had everything planned out. I was confident that everything would go the way I wanted it to be and I made myself believe that I could finish this in no time. I was actually looking forward to presenting it someday in front of everybody though I lack the self-confidence and skills when it comes to public speaking (Ha! Stage fright!).  I badly want to finish my thesis to end my agony and sufferings. I am no longer happy with what I am doing. I just want this to end. Please.

    Right now, thesis is not the only problem which I have. We have an upcoming congress in inorganic chemistry and industrial chemistry, the seminar for our advanced analytical chemistry and the upcoming exams. This semester will be the death of me.  




    But, as of this moment, the only motivation I have right now is my desire to graduate. 

    NEVER ALONE YET LONELY

    ​I’ve always like the solitude

    A disposition free from stress or emotion

    Entertaining yourself with a lackadaisical attempt

    Putting your thoughts together

    Like a jigsaw puzzle scattered in the cosmos.

    But I’ve never felt this alone before.

    The inexistence of mundane in this capacious room,

    Makes me realise that having a companion is good.

    Those moments where having a friend is an absolute advantage.











    This isn’t a poem. Not even an essay. Seriously, I have no idea what this is. I just want to write this down before I sleep. Guten Nacht!    

    YOUNG AND HOPELESS

    ​I could’ve been a trophy wife. Of a visually impaired rich guy, maybe, but still, I could have. NOOOOO. Instead, I choose a major that makes me weep over both my future and my present at the same time—- If only I could turn back time and switch majors, who knows?

    From wanting to graduate with latin honors to just graduate on time to Lord, I beg you, let me pass this subject. College really screwed me up. I never see any of my high school friends anymore, heck, I barely see my family. I barely go to the malls or the likes and I don’t have time to watch my favourite series and movies because honestly, I’d rather sleep. In other words, I have been denied by my own happiness. 

    I never imagined my life to be as dull as this. I never thought that I’d be spending most of my time with books rather than with people. I never thought that failing an exam could send me to my own demise; for I am the type who doesn’t cry over things that easily. This list could go on and on but the point that I’m trying to make is— college changed me.

    Everyone else is smart unlike me. I struggle with every topic in our chemistry class. Hell, I can barely keep up. I can’t fail another class. I don’t think I can handle anymore failures! I’ve still got a chance, we haven’t had our final exam…yet.

    I need a miracle. 

    Just the thought of me failing physical chemistry makes me want to jump off of a cliff. I can’t. I swear if I failed again, I’m committing suicide. I’m so sorry but…

    KILL ME BEFORE THIS SEMESTER DOES!!!!!!!!